9.08.2008

Monday Moms!

I don't know when I decided that I would try my hardest to be a stay-at-home mom. I don't know if I ever even had to consciously decide - it was just what I was going to be when I grew up. The idea of being a mom appealed to me as I watched how my mom "effortlessly" ran our household. From my young perspective, I had no clue the work that went on around me. I ate the delicious meals, slept in the clean bed, and enjoyed the crafts and projects that were prepared for my entertainment. Now, I look back in wonder. How did my mom do it? Eight kids and we were (for the most part) always clean, fed, and happy. She seemed to find so much fulfillment in her role as a wife and mother and she did awesome at it.

I look at my short span of being a mom and am scared to death. I have already lost my temper far too often, my home no longer is kept at the cleanliness standard it once was, and I complain all the time. And... I ONLY GOT ONE KID! Sometimes I wonder why it is so hard for me? Why something I always dreamed of doing leaves me looking for something more? Why in moments I think would it be so bad if I went to work and found someone to care for Paisley?

But then I force myself to remember... I remember the days of working at KinderCare. I remember the children who craved any attention - even if it meant hitting, biting, pulling, scratching, etc. I remember the babies crying when mom came to pick them up because they spent more time being cared for by the infant teacher and that is who they wanted. I remember how even though we meet the physical needs of the children, emotionally these children were starving. They just wanted to be nurtured, to be held and to be loved - and in a facility like that there just is not enough hands. I remember that no other person will ever love my Paisley as much as me - so why would I want to leave her in their care for any extended period of time.

So I remember these things and I remember that it is my sacred responsibility and I try to "forget myself and get to work." Because I realize nothing else I really do in life will matter much to anyone... But I do hope someday when Paisley is dealing with a toddler of her own - she wonders "How did mom ever do it?"

Disclaimer: I know not all childcare experiences are "evil" and at times it is necessary to find others to help care for your kids. I am just speaking for my own self and what I have seen.

4 comments:

Shayla said...

Exactly.


I love being a mom more than anything, but I totally find myself doubting my capabilities, knowing that I can never live up to the standard my own mother has set... but I can.

Great post. Thanks!

Kim said...

well said, cyndi. very cute post!

The Anderson Family said...

You hit the nail on the head. Everyday I wonder how your Mom did it with 8 kids. I can barely handle my 3 and forget about food or laundry...the kids are lucky to be alive by the end of the day. I keep thinking I will get the knack of it someday. Most of all I just suck it up and enjoy all the fun!!! Tell Paisley Hi! It was so fun to see you both!

Hardy Party!~ said...

I love what you said Cyndi, you are exactly right! It can be hard, but I know in the end it will be worth it!! RaeLynn and Ainzlee are my whole life! I love them more and more each day! When do you find out what you are having? Or are you going to have it be a surprise again?